Our New Life

This is really late but life has been really busy and we still don't have Internet at our house so I'm attempting to write this from my phone! 

As you all know we have moved in to our new home. We found an old 1970's home that needs some work but hopefully it won't be anything that will be too costly! It has beautiful 5 acres in the area we really wanted. We have lived here almost two months and I must admit I have said to myself, "What were we thinking?" More than "This was the best decision." 

We moved in at the busiest time of our lives. Baseball, soccer, track, and TCAP! I had to embrace this country life head on! I didn't have a lot of help from Ryan since he wasn't getting home until 8:00 at night. Seemed like we had problem after problem come up. 

The ticks alone about made me about put a for sale back up! Since Ryan was never home we never had a chance to even look at lawnmowers so our yard was becoming a jungle! Thanks to our sweet friends who came out and mowed our grass for us until we were able to buy a lawnmower. 

I think out of all of us the "City Girl" that had to be talked more into this lifestyle had to learn how to be a "Country Girl" the fastest! I have learned to go to bed buy 11:00 and waking up at 8:00 a.m. is sleeping in! Where as before nobody could wake me up before 8:00! 

When I come home from work or being in public I get right into "work clothes", my most worn boots are now my ugly work boots, and my idea of working out is doing some kind of labor around the yard or house! Actually having time to do a REAL workout is rare and thought of as a vacation! 

But the days were I think "What were we thinking?" I sit back and see the smiles on my kids faces as they are outside playing in the yard and I remember that is the reason we decided to make this new life for our family. I know there will be plenty of more "What were we thinking moments" but I hope in the long run there will be more "This is why we are here." 

I'm not a terrible parent and my son is not a bad boy!

Six and a half years ago our family was blessed by a beautiful baby. He was the sweetest and best newborn of all of our kids. He slept all the time, hardly ever cried, and easy going. About 3 months old we already started seeing that he was going to be an ACTIVE and very intelligent child. He learned how to roll over and learned that if he wanted to get somewhere all he had to do was keep rolling to get it. He would roll and roll until he rolled into something and couldn't figure out how to roll away. He learned how to squirm his little body out of his bumbo seat about this time also. Once he started eating in a high chair he learned to squirm out of the belt and stand up in his high chair, from then on he would only eat standing up. We found all these things funny, frustrating, and shocking. We knew he was going to be keeping us on our toes all his life.
As he got older more and more things started to get worse or new "bad habits" were coming up. In the back of our minds we knew that this wasn't "normal" behavior but we loved him and kept trying to work with him. We tried everything we could think to break him of his "bad behaviors" but nothing seemed to be working. All this time we knew that it was quite possible that our child had ADHD but the hippie girl in me said I will not put my child on medication! I didn't want my child to be drugged!

As he started Kindergarten I still held to my ground my son is not going to be on drugs! After the first week of Kindergarten we got the first call that we needed to go meet with his teacher. First of all I must say if I knew what I know now I would've went and fought to have my child move classes. That teacher meeting was probably the worse I've ever had! She sat us down and told us how far behind he was, that he had a hard time not talking, won't sit still, and doesn't follow directions. She couldn't believe this coming from a "teacher's child." Yes! She said that! I was so upset and angry at her that I didn't say anything! My husband tried to tell her that we will work with him and etc... but I just wanted to yell and scream at her! This first experience with school I wasn't prepared and never thought of people thinking that my child was the way he was because of my "bad parenting". Was he this way because of me? I ended up sending her an email later explaining to her my sons background and how he is a very smart kid but he does things on his own time table. This kid stood up one day and started walking and never fell down again. He potty trained himself after telling me one day that he wanted to use the big potty and no more diapers. He didn't really talk much and people started getting worried until one day he started talking in full sentences! No joke, he does things on his own time table.
Soon after that his grades started improving but his behavioral issues were out of control. I started getting emails about his behavior, my husband worked at the same school and would get pulled aside to discuss my sons behavior that day, then he started getting sent to the principals office. I am not an emotional person but I would cry almost weekly about what to do about him. Why couldn't people see my son's good side? Why couldn't he show people his good side more often? I knew at this time that my son had ADHD, it wasn't clinically diagnosed but I just knew. I didn't want to talk to a doctor about it because I was afraid they would talk me into putting him on medication, my baby was only 5 years old I wasn't going to do that. I could handle this! Next step was trying to change his diet, I was so sure that this was going to work! I read countless blogs and articles about how their child had ADHD and how just changing their diet helped and they never had to be on medication. After a few months of this and no improvement (he actually seemed to get worse!) I felt completely lost. The final string was when he got suspended from school for a day for allegedly pushing a kid. This was luckily towards the end of the year and we barely made it through Kindergarten. I knew we had to figure out something, this couldn't go on! I finally decided it was time to talk to his pediatrician. This was only a month before we moved and I just wanted her advice on what we should do. The pediatrician just brushed it off and said pretty much boys will be boys and some are more aggressive then others. So I went away from that appointment thinking it is just me and I'm a terrible parent that can't control her child.
Starting of First grade! We had high hopes for our son this year! New school, new area, he could start from scratch! We talked to him non stop on being the best that he could be! He was excited to start over! After the first week we got the letter saying his teacher wanted to meet with us....and here it goes again! Same things he talks too much, won't sit still, he distracts others in the class so they can't learn, he won't listen, and he can't concentrate on his work. He was once again placed in a desk away from the other kids. This time I didn't hold it in and started crying right there in front of his teacher. Not my finest moment! I couldn't take it any more. I literally didn't know what else to do with my son! He was out of control! And what hurt the most is I realized that my stubbornness of not putting him on medication was affecting his grades and his life. He could be so much more! After much talking to Ryan and of course lots of prayer, we decided it was time to talk to a pediatrician around here that could help, hopefully. It was terrifying because not knowing any doctors around here. I literally said a prayer and closed my eyes and pointed to a doctor on our list of doctors our insurance covers. Well I hit the jackpot after I called I found out that at this clinic they have a doctor that specializes in behavioral problems! The first appointment I told them everything we were dealing with and told them right away I am afraid to give him medication because I don't want to change who he is. They reaffirmed me that if it was changing him then it was too much medication and to notify her right away. It shouldn't make them zombies it is just there to help him focus. After we had to fill out an observation sheet about him and his behaviors and his teacher did also. Our assumptions were confirmed he was diagnosed with ADHD.
We decided to start him on medication and yes even though it has taking some trail and error and we have been told what works this week might not work next week we have seen great improvement! His teacher keeps us in contact if she sees any behavioral changes good or bad and is really trying her hardest to work with him. Ever since being on medication he went from being one of the lowest readers in his grade to being now the highest reader in his class! His grades are all at the top of his class. We are so proud of him. Yes, he still has some things behavioral wise that he needs to work on but his behavior in class went from getting a note every day to getting smiley stickers everyday.
I realized that my feelings about medicating my son might not have been what was best for my son. He would come home all the time saying "I'm just a bad boy!" he didn't have a lot of friends because he had a hard time controlling himself and sometimes would do mean things to them. I realized that I wasn't helping my son at all by not medicating him I was holding him back and ruining his self esteem.

Ryan recently found out about this book called, "Raising Boys with ADHD" I love it! Not only does it have good advice but it also has been a confirmation to me that it's not my fault and my son isn't a bad kid. There is a part in there that talks about medicating you son, it said that if your son needed eye glasses to focus on his work you would buy them for him so he could focus and the same thing can be said about medicating your ADHD son. So true!
I also realized that there are several reasons why I didn't want to medicate him. One of those being the negativity that people have on parents that "drug" their children. I think a lot of the world sees medicating a child as an easy way out. Can't control your kid medicate them! Which in all honesty before I had one of these children I was one of those. Hence the reason I didn't want to medicate him. I wanted to work this out on me own. Which brings me to the second reason, I felt like I had failed as a parent if I had to medicate my son. This one has been the hardest for me to realize and say out loud.
I'm not saying that treating ADHD with medication is the only way. Every case is different., severities are different. We decided to take this approach after we tried everything else. I do believe that counseling is very important no matter what way you treat it. Your child suffers self esteem wise greatly! ADHD effects the whole family. We are all still trying to adjust and figure out how to make this work for our whole family so nobody feels left out. Believe me my son takes up A LOT of our time and focus. My next advice is if you feel like your child may have it find a professional to talk to about it. I remember asking other people who's children had ADD/ADHD and they told me, "oh no he doesn't have it if he isn't really behind in school. That just sounds like behavioral issues." Which I know the person didn't mean to hurt my feelings but it did and so that just made me be harder on him because I thought he was just acting out trying to get away with things. Which is not true at all. Also check out the book that I have mentioned. It really has been a comfort for me.

As stressful and frustrating as this has been I wouldn't change my baby boy! I know that later on in life if we treat it that right way this disability is going to be a tremendous strength to him. He is an extremely intelligent child, very talented, and very loving. I know that we are just at the beginning of this and I know that we will meet new challenges a long the way but as they say in the book, "Look at every situation that arises as simply another puzzle with a solution."
I was very weary about posting this because really I didn't want anyone to know about it (we all just want to share our happy moments in life, right), but the more I have thought about it  and the more I realized that going through this there are so many negative articles about ADHD and medicating that I wanted to share our own experience and let the world know that I am not a bad parent for trying everything I can to help my child. Instead of casting negativity share your own experience and see if you can help someone else that is trying to find help. And if you don't have a child dealing with this then really your opinion doesn't matter. haha! So I hope this helps someone else out there even if it is to help them be more informed.

What makes you happy?

In our family lately we have been focusing a lot on choosing to be happy. I don't know if it is the winter blues, tiredness, or defiance but our children have been having a really hard time realizing their life is not as hard or miserable as they might think. Yes, we all have our hard days or sometimes weeks but as I have learned there are those who seem to always have a dark rain cloud hanging over their heads all the time. I think often about these type of people and try to figure out why they are the way they are. Don't get me wrong I know there are those who are clinically depressed. I'm not trying to down play that, I know first hand that people who are clinically depressed are not wanting to be that way. I'm talking about those that are always finding the negatives in life. Walking outside and seeing it raining or snowing, right away complaining that it's raining/snowing again but then when it's hot or warm complaining that it is too hot and you just want it to rain. Complaining because you are so busy you never have time for anything and then when you do have moments of downtime complaining because you have nothing to do and you are so bored. Fighting with siblings because they won't play with you but when they do complain because they won't play what you want them to play. Complaining about having to wash the dishes or clean your room instead of being happy that at least you have running water and a room to clean. Complaining about your job instead of being grateful that you have a job to take care of yourself/family. These are the types of behaviors I'm talking about.
I am a happy person I strive to find happy people and the happy things in life. After living somewhere, where there was so much negativity and unhappy people it was scary to see how much it changed who I was. The way other people are really can affect ourselves if we allow it. I think of myself as a "hippie girl" the whole peace, love and happiness attitude I wish could exist in this world. Imagine everyone thinking of the positive things in life every day, it would make this world so much of a happier place. Unfortunately reality is that will never happen so what can we do to make ourselves happy?

I can't help to think of Happy Gilmore  (sorry to all those anti Adam Sandler fans) but it does have a good point. Happy, (Adam Sandler) has a big temper as he is training to become a golfer his trainer tells him to think of his "happy place" before he loses his temper. "Close your eyes and think about your happy place. What does it look like? Who is with you? What are you doing?" For Happy, it included a midget riding around on a bike but each of us have our own "happy place." My happy place is being with those that I love and make me happy. I honestly just want people to be happy. I am happy when my loved ones are happy. Laughter is a big thing in my life! If there is no laughter then I don't see a point. (Hence my love for comedies)

For our family I read a story I found in the Family Home Evening Resource Book, that The Church of Latter Day Saints put out. It is about a man named Viktor Frankl. He was a prisoner in a concentration camp during WWII, he talks about how they were told what to do every day of their life . They were told when to sleep, when to eat, what they wore, what they ate, and they were very cruel to them. With all that going on he said this later on,  “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. … They offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way." Viktor Frankl found out that no one could force him to be bitter and angry, no matter how much they hurt him. He could still enjoy the beauties of nature; he could love and show kindness to other people. I pointed out to my kids that this guy really was living in awful circumstances and he refused to let the circumstances change his attitude. This I think really hit home for one of my kids that whenever something doesn't go his way he/she breaks down in tears and stomps of to his room. We've talked to them about ways that we can change our attitude and positive ways of expressing ourselves if we are having a hard day or week. But most of all striving for happiness.

My point is that life isn't always going to be happy and everything will go our way. We are going to meet obstacles along the way. As tough as those obstacles are they are meant to be there to make us stronger. I can promise you that if we find what makes us happy and not focus so much on the negative things in life we will be a happier people. Be the person that brings others up not down. So now I challenge all of you think what makes you happy?

 

Ancestors that tend to lead your path

People often ask us why we chose to settle in Tennessee. We never quite know how to answer this question without sounding like a crazy person. How do you tell someone that your husbands dead ancestor lead you here? Truth be told that is the real reason we are here. Haden Wells Church is my husbands great great grandfather. I like to call him my husbands guardian angel because for some reason he tends to follow where Haden lived when he was alive and it's hard to explain but he has a strong bond with him. How can you have a strong bond with someone you have never met on this Earth? To explain some of this we have to rewind 10 years back. Ryan was graduating from college and we were searching for the place where we wanted to raise our family. We had searched different states but didn't feel any of them were the right fit for our family. We kept being drawn to St. George. After much prayer we decided this is where we wanted to go. My father-in-law told my husband one day that his great great grandfather, Haden Wells Church, was the first teacher in St. George. His family helped settle the area when they came from the East. I believe this was after we had decided to move there but nobody else knew we were even thinking of moving there. So this made Ryan even more excited. He had always admired Haden for some reason he always felt close to him and thought it was cool that he was one of those faithful men who had joined the Mormon Battalion. So anyways the months crept by summer was almost over meaning that the teaching jobs were pretty much filled. We didn't know at that time how hard it was to get a teaching job in Washington County School District. He had passed up other offers in School districts around the area we were living in because he was so determined he would get a job in St. George. Two weeks before school started he finally got a job offer in Southern Utah. He was so excited to be teaching in St. George just as Haden had. We loved Southern Utah! In fact our older two kids still call it home and we haven't lived there for almost six years.
Now many of you are wondering how this has anything to do with Tennessee. I'm getting to it I promise. Now fast forward to 2013, Ryan and I were once again trying to decide where to move after searching many different states but none of them seeming right for our family we thought one day what about Tennessee? I wasn't thrilled on the idea but told him to go ahead and apply and we will see what happens. He ended up getting an interview in the district he wanted that we never thought he would have a chance at and needless to say got the job. He kept saying I think my great great grandfather Haden is actually from Tennessee or went on a mission there. So he looked it up one day and sure enough found out that his grandpa Haden was born in Franklin Tennessee (where Ryan teaches) and he died on his mission out here (of some sickness I can't remember what it was at this time). He found the town he was buried and only the words along the Duck River in the Church family cemetery. So when we came out to find a house to live in one day after church we decided to go and try to find this place. We really went blindly. We had no idea where anything was only that his family had lived in Williamsport and our church was off of Williamsport road so we decided just to follow it and see if it lead us to the Duck river. We found the Duck river and a cemetery but it wasn't the Church cemetery so we drove a little further and me being the pessimist thought we will never find this. Ryan said I just want to go a little further down the road so we did and he finally said ok lets turn around in this driveway, he pulled in and the sign said Doug Church Road. I looked at Ryan and said lets go see if they know where the grave is. So we drove up to the house Ryan got out and asked the people if they knew where it was. Needless to say they were long distant relatives. Doug and Billy Church ,they were the nicest people so friendly and just good old country folk, they drove us over to the cemetery, thank goodness because we never would have found it on our own! This was another "sign" I guess you could say that we were suppose to be moving here.

The first week at our new ward was a hard one for me. It had been a long week of adjusting to the new area, being away from family, finding out what true humidity is, and being attacked by mosquitoes. Also trying to be the strong brave one. Ryan was so busy and stressed he was falling apart which was hard for me because he's normally the strong one when we move. Anyways I was sitting in Relief Society wondering to myself did we make the wrong decision? Are we really as crazy as people said we were to move all the way out here not knowing a single person? I remember praying to Heavenly Father to let me know that this was the right decision and right at that time the person talking was talking about a Church family reunion that took place last Sunday. I knew that there was one going on because Billy and Doug had invited us to it but we decided not to go since we had just gotten to Tennessee the day before and we didn't want the kids to be in total culture shock (remind you Billy and Doug had really thick accents. We could barely understand them when we met them the first time.). I found out that we were related to half the word. Heavenly Father knew that is what I needed to hear at that exact time. It made me realize that even though we are far away family and distantly related to the family out here that we are not alone and have family close by. I always tell Ryan that Haden wanted him out here to finish the missionary work that he couldn't finish because of his sudden death. Which may or may not be true. The reasons for us coming here will be known to us through the years I'm sure, but it makes you wonder why has Haden been such an important person in our lives? Why do some ancestors seem to be more closely tied to you then others? These I guess are questions that we might get answers to in the afterlife but for now whenever we feel homesick and far away from family visiting Haden's grave always makes us feel close to family. This might sound crazy to you but for our family it is what keeps us knowing that we made the right decision.

Back To The Simple Way Of Life

It has been six months since we left the fast pace life of California. Looking back it was the best decision we have made, not saying we regret ever living in California. We love the people we met there (well most of the people), we loved being so close to the beach, Disneyland, Sea World, (and all the other attractions that fall into this same category) we loved snowboarding at Mt. High, and the northern coastline, it seemed like there was always something to do anytime of day.
One reason we are glad we moved to California is what we learned about ourselves. We learned that no matter where we go we will continue to seek the Lord's help in our day to day lives. We learned that missionary work is best done when you are looking at it with Christ-like love. We met some of the most amazing people by looking at their hearts rather than what they appear on the outside. The best way to get over depression is by doing service. Once you are helping other people you forget your problems and this might sound rude but you may realize your problems aren't as bad as you think.  I must admit not all of what we learned about ourselves was good but it helped us improve the areas where we lacked and tried to improve them.
I think one major thing I learned is how being around people that are unhappy and are doing bad things really can bring you down. I consider myself a naturally happy person. When we moved to the HD people would comment on how happy we are and how we are always smiling, they would add soon after, "You haven't lived here long enough. You will change." I remember telling my husband, " I'm not going to change." And at first I didn't, I smiled everywhere I went and tried to be as happy as I could be fast forward 4 years later and I had changed! I hardly smiled, I didn't want to be around people (even my friends), I didn't care to go anywhere, I hated where I lived, I just wanted out!! I couldn't get out of this "funk".  I knew it was time for our family to move. The surroundings had changed who I was and I didn't like it. I realized this is not where I want my kids growing up! I want my kids to be able to ride their bikes around, to be able to play outside without me having to worry constantly about them. I wanted my kids to be able to go to good schools that would challenge them. I wanted to be able to go to the store without being afraid. I wanted my kids to have a childhood similar to what I had.
So after much prayer and thought my husband and I decided what we really wanted was a simpler way of life. So after much searching and prayer

we left the greatest friends anyone could find and headed on to our next journey as a family.
Before we even made it to Tennessee we could already see the difference. We had people, complete strangers, helping us find a place to live. We arrived to Tennessee without a place to live and within a day found a small but cozy place to live. We went from having the landlord from Hell (pardon my language but true) to having the nicest landlord who just wanted us to be happy.

Our kids were so excited to get their bikes and start riding them around in a quiet safe neighborhood. They can actually ride their bikes around the block by themselves. We no longer have "ghetto birds" cicling around night and day! The kids were also so excited for a mailbox in front of our house. They thought it was so funny! Things you don't think about but realize they haven't had before. They comment a lot that it reminds them of where grandma and grandpa live.

 Davin discovered his true country boy side and can't wait to go hunting and fishing. He loves wearing his hunting camo and fits right in here when he does. Not my favorite thing he wears but if it makes him happy. He can't wait to get a bigger yard where he can practice with his arrows and slingshot and whatever else he has.











We found a ward that is so sweet and truly care about each other! The kids love the kids in the ward and Davin actually doesn't complain about going to church every Sunday! They are helping us adjust to a simpler way of life and really are there for us if we need them. If you know our family at all you know that we NEVER ask for help! Well when we moved here we had to actually ask for help several times! I know we went through those things just to humble ourselves and let others have the opportunity to serve. As we are trying to find a house to buy here our kids request is that we stay in the ward!



Our goal for the next year is for our family to return back to a simpler way of life. That includes a humble home with at least and acre of land, garden, chickens (my life long dream), and maybe a few other farm animals. We are so excited to begin our new journey here in Tennessee and are excited to share it with you all.